If you believe the more you give your child the better parent you are, then your battle will be long and hard. When you take away the adversities and struggles of life, you deny your children the opportunity to reach their full potential. Take a look at many of the youth today, they have it all, yet they are hell bent on destruction. For many of them everything revolves around, “What’s in it for me!”
A false sense of entitlement teaches children that they have the right to expensive toys, electronic gadgets, trips and cars without having to earn them. Many neglect their responsibilities in school, yet expect their parents to buy them expensive head phones, cell phones and even cars. Some try to convince their parents that they are less of a parent if they don't give them what they want and regardless of the family’s financial situation. The attitude of a child with a false sense of entitlement is, “I exist, therefore you owe me.”
THINGS do not bring happiness, in truth, the more you teach a child “to do for themselves and on their own,” the more responsible they become, and as parents that’s when you reap the rewards. It will be well worth the time invested to teach your child to do everything they possibly can for themselves (which is the major responsibility of great parenting)!
Parents often over compensate for issues they feel guilty about, such as working long hours or even divorce. Some parents feel the need to pacify their children with cell phones, video games and over priced merchandise, but that is not what is best for them. We can give a child things until we are blue in the face, but that doesn't address the real issue. In reality, we are hurting them, and society as a whole suffers through the actions of children who eventually become irresponsible adults. Trials and tribulations allow a children to develop the strength and value of character. Today we are raising kids who have little values, no coping skills and they have an unrealistic expectation of life. We are sending the message that they deserve material things as a price for facing adversity. They begin to feel a sense of entitlement for privileges they have not earned. Believe it or not, children are very intuitive to your motives and quickly learn how to manipulate you at an early age. When you give in, tantrums in the store and absurd demands for material things become a reward for unacceptable behavior.
Stop believing that the more you give the more you’ll get. The best way for you to eliminate a child's sense of entitlement is to put them to work. You work hard for your money and this is probably a concept that your child does not understand. Its vitally important to teach children to work hard. Self respect, self reliance, self motivation and self worth are developed and cultivated through work ethics. One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is a responsible work ethic, and this starts early in childhood by providing ways for children to earn their way in life. There are great characteristics developed through hard work and children gain a greater sense of value and integrity when they learn to apply themselves. (Children need to see that integral connection between making an honest effort and the reward of achieving success.) Our society is filled with youth who believe their parents owe them a living and when they grow up, they expect the world owes them one as well. This skewed view is going to affect them in a negative way their entire lives.
When children earn what they are used to getting for nothing, they learn the value of a dollar. When they pay for their own toys and clothing, they are more likely to take care of them because they know how hard they worked to get them. When kids have a false sense of entitlement, they don’t see the world as it is because money and material goods become their major attraction. When they are given everything without the responsibility of earning them, the natural incentive and drive to achieve is taken away. Within time they will stop putting forth any efforts to strive for even the simplest goals. Their view of the world will be, “If I want it, someone will give it to me”—but as we all know, that’s just not the way the world functions. Eventually, when this child leaves home to make a life of their own, they will not have the strong work ethics to succeed in the adult world. (Sadly, you will often see older children living with their parents late into adulthood because life is easiest for them under someone else’s care.)
Parents are not their children's buddies! There are those parents who try to be their child's friend and consequently they will often buy their children things because they’re afraid they’ll lose that friendship. This is really serious. This kind of relationship is very harmful to the mental well-being of the child and detrimental to a healthy parent-child relationship. Parents are the adult guardians, leaders, and mentors for their children and not playmates!
How do you challenge the false sense of entitlement in kids and why is it so important to do so? It’s critical to challenge them because once a child grows up and goes out into the real world, they won’t have the “true grit” it takes to succeed or the maturity to deal with failure! It’s important to start young and teach your children the value of earning the privilege to buy their own things. When material possessions are handed to a child, the message is, “You don’t need to do anything—everything will be given to you in life just because you’re you.”
Don't pacify your children with things because you think their lives are not perfect! Nobody’s life is perfect and kids are more resilient than you think. Take a proactive approach to raising your children and set realistic expectations for them. Being a good parent is really more simple than you might think because the only investment you need to make when they're young, is your “time.” If you take the time to teach correct principles when they're young, they will attain the attributes and virtues that inevitably make them a responsibly adult.
Take a stand and wean your child from entitlement. The first step is to change your mind set. If you truly love them then your primary concern will be to raise children who are well rounded and capable of dealing with adversity. That means raising children who accept responsibility for their grades, their rooms, their belongings, ect., and understand that making a valid contribution to their family is indeed their responsibility. Remember that following through is the tipping point to success, as well as, allowing children to suffer the consequences of their choices (they will learn more from a few minutes of experience than hours of lectures).
Its all about time. Life is busy. Parents sometimes try to find the easy way out and resort to expressing their love through material things. Children are creatures of habit. If this has been your approach to expressing your love, your child will feel entitled. You will need to change this mind set and invest your time to turn the ship around. Make “time” to do the things that add value to your child’s life. The little things matter, such as having your child read a book to you while you’re fixing dinner; find all the ways you can to enlist their energy in a productive way. Have a schedule or set time for chores and STICK TO THEM! If you don’t follow through then you will be teaching that its not important to finish a job. Also, quality time is important, so be engaged and show interest in something that they like, it validates them and adds a sense of importance. Occasionally, take the time to just chat with your child and let them lead the conversation. Even at a young age they will have the desire to be heard.
Teach your children the importance of Charity. They become less egocentric when they learn to share. They need to learn first hand how serving others increases gratitude and it allows them to understand thankfulness. Find a charity that you and your family can physically contribute to and become proactive in teaching the power of giving. It does not matter if you have a little or a lot, there is always something that you can do to teach your children the importance of charity. Raising a child that understands charity is by far the most fulfilling experience a parent can have. A charitable person is more valuable than wealth, education, or beauty.
Charity creates gratitude. Children who have a sense of entitlement lack gratitude. They develop negative attitudes and seldom appreciate what others do for them. Complaining becomes their main source of communication, nothing is ever good enough. Children are happier when they learn to appreciate life and gratitude is one of the most rewarding virtues that a parent can nurture. Remember that children learn appreciation and gratitude by the way they are treated! Be careful not to have a sense of entitlement when enlisting your children's time and energy, be respectful and thankful for their efforts and good works, they will learn from your examples. Children with gratitude learn to make small contributions in life and appreciation becomes a second nature.
Ask Yourself, “What Do I Want My Child to Learn?” Whenever you want to get a message across to your children, it’s important to think through what is important to teach them. Ask yourself, “What do I want my children to learn from this experience; something valuable that can help them achieve success later in life?” Then come up with a procedure that will teach them how to achieve their goals. It's your job as a parent to prepare them for a mature adulthood.
Have limits. I think it’s important to put limits on what you give your children. Don’t feel as if you need to give them every little thing they ask for, even if “all the other kids have one.” I think it’s also a good idea to talk as a family and let everyone know that there is not an infinite supply of money at your fingertips. Responsible money doesn’t grow on trees and it isn't free for the taking. Tell them that, as parents, you both work to make money to support the family. Explain that you trade your time for money to keep a roof over head and put food on the table. Its important for them to know how they can contribute.
Tell Your Child the New Rules. If you have the financial capability and you believe in the concept of paying kids to do work around the house, then I personally think it’s better to give your child money for doing odd jobs rather than a weekly allowance. This way, they will learn how to manage their finances and make the connection between work and payment. However, children shouldn’t receive money until their assignment is completed. If your child doesn’t comply, pay their siblings to do the work and I can almost guarantee they will understand the price of “choice and accountability” when the money is being handed out.
I believe that a false sense of entitlement affects every strata of society today. Children who grow up with a sense of entitlement won't take the jobs that are available. They have the belief that they're entitled to something better without having to make any effort to get it. That false sense of entitlement prohibits them from getting the work skills and social skills they need to start at the bottom and work their way up.
Teach your child that needs are quite different from wants. When we examine our own motivation behind our desire to buy more stuff for our kids, we can move into being a strong parent who develops values in our children that will take them into adulthood. We are setting the stage for managing the many ups and downs, injuries and injustices life brings about. The acquisition of more material goods does not build character. Instead it creates a dependence on spending sprees for a faults sense of identity, and it never satisfies. The next time you feel the need to purchase something for your child, remind yourself that your child needs to survive in this world through their strength of spirit, values, integrity and good character. By Linda Sumner Urza written for: onefineday11.blogspot.com
