Toward the end of the program there was a beautiful musical number by a young lady. I was caught up in the rapture of her amazing voice, until the lyrics hit a tender nerve. I felt the life begin to slowly seep out of the cracks and crevasses of my heart and I fought to hold back the tears. Then thoughts of despair overcame me. Would I ever be good enough, I thought to myself? My mind shifted back to all the burdens I had to bear for decades and suddenly life seemed cruel and unfair, especially for someone who had been so devoted to serving the Lord.
My faith was replaced with doubt and I could feel the ego mind twisting my thoughts into a contorted piece of metal. I lamented on the thousands of hours of service I had spent to be right with the Lord and wondered if I would ever quite measure up. Had I done something wrong in the preexistence to deserve this many trials, I wondered? And, I had certainly had my share of them.
My dad passed away when I was much too young to be without a father figure in my life. His death was proceeded by that of my sister's, followed by the death of my mother. Somehow, through the all the difficulties, I managed to hold onto the iron rod and my faith continued to increase.
I married when I was 22 and began a little family. This brought more joy into my life than I had room to receive, but it was short lived. In 1982, my daughter passed away in my arms and I felt an emptiness that was beyond description. Three days later, I found myself in the Alpine cemetery standing beside her grave. I wondered how life could require so much, yet render so little. Later that day, I went home and hid away in the shower where no one could see or hear me cry out. In the loneliness of my empty arms there was no comfort to be had. I tried to wash away the unbearable pain, but it was impossible to conceal. The next day I pretended everything was going to get better, until finally one day it did.
A few years later my daughter married a young man that turned our lives upside down with his drug use, alcohol abuse, lies and deceit. We spent the next seven years begging her to leave him, until that day came when she gained enough courage to move forward. Not long after that, I found out my sons was suffering from a mental illness. He had worked as an executive for Charles Schwab and suddenly he snapped from all the pressures in his life. The doctors diagnosed him with schizophrenia, accompanied by sever manic depression. He refused to take medication and a few months later he just walked away from his life, his job, and our family.
My family spent the next eleven years trying to get him the assistance he needed, but he had resorted to living in the streets. I couldn't take it anymore and I demanded the civil courts get involved. I quit my job managing at dental office and spent the next three years working with doctors to restore his health. Today, he is living a happy and fulfilling life.
There is an old saying that tragedies have a tendency to come in threes and that's exactly what happen a few years later. Three untimely deaths of loved ones left me wrenching with heartache in 2011. My sister died of heart complications followed by the tragic death of my grandson, and then that of my best friend of nearly 40 years.
As I sat in the chapel that day thinking back over the years, it was more than I could comprehend. I listened as the lady finished her musical number, but then my head dropped in exhaustion from my relentless thoughts. At that very moment I heard the voice of a higher source calling me by name, it was as if it were brail of the heart and although it was not audible to others, it was perfectly clear to me.
"Linda, you have been down in the trenches serving the Lord; not once were you a spectator sitting on the grassy hillside. You were always willing, without hesitation, to assisting those whom others would readily abandon, and never afraid to march into battle."
As I heard this message my entire spirit was filled with gratitude. Gratitude for the assignments that I'd been given, gratitude for the challenges I had learned to overcome, and gratitude that the Lord found me willing and ready to serve.
At that moment, I realized that the trenches in life had sealed my testimony to the Lord. Just as Jesus had given His life for me, I too was given the opportunity to show my commitment to Him. I testify that the trials that are given is the road back to a loving Heavenly Father, a Father who loves you and knows you by name. Written by Linda Sumner Urza for: onefindday11.blogspot.com
A few years later my daughter married a young man that turned our lives upside down with his drug use, alcohol abuse, lies and deceit. We spent the next seven years begging her to leave him, until that day came when she gained enough courage to move forward. Not long after that, I found out my sons was suffering from a mental illness. He had worked as an executive for Charles Schwab and suddenly he snapped from all the pressures in his life. The doctors diagnosed him with schizophrenia, accompanied by sever manic depression. He refused to take medication and a few months later he just walked away from his life, his job, and our family.
My family spent the next eleven years trying to get him the assistance he needed, but he had resorted to living in the streets. I couldn't take it anymore and I demanded the civil courts get involved. I quit my job managing at dental office and spent the next three years working with doctors to restore his health. Today, he is living a happy and fulfilling life.
There is an old saying that tragedies have a tendency to come in threes and that's exactly what happen a few years later. Three untimely deaths of loved ones left me wrenching with heartache in 2011. My sister died of heart complications followed by the tragic death of my grandson, and then that of my best friend of nearly 40 years.
As I sat in the chapel that day thinking back over the years, it was more than I could comprehend. I listened as the lady finished her musical number, but then my head dropped in exhaustion from my relentless thoughts. At that very moment I heard the voice of a higher source calling me by name, it was as if it were brail of the heart and although it was not audible to others, it was perfectly clear to me.
"Linda, you have been down in the trenches serving the Lord; not once were you a spectator sitting on the grassy hillside. You were always willing, without hesitation, to assisting those whom others would readily abandon, and never afraid to march into battle."
As I heard this message my entire spirit was filled with gratitude. Gratitude for the assignments that I'd been given, gratitude for the challenges I had learned to overcome, and gratitude that the Lord found me willing and ready to serve.
At that moment, I realized that the trenches in life had sealed my testimony to the Lord. Just as Jesus had given His life for me, I too was given the opportunity to show my commitment to Him. I testify that the trials that are given is the road back to a loving Heavenly Father, a Father who loves you and knows you by name. Written by Linda Sumner Urza for: onefindday11.blogspot.com
