When I was in college, I dated a guy who was one of the top law students at the University of Idaho. He had unlimited potential, a great personality and he seemed to have the world in the palm of his hand. I genuinely liked him and I knew his feelings were mutual. His sister and I were best friends and that was an added bonus. Several dates later I was disappointed to find out that his 4.0 was not only his GPA, but it was also his average blood alcohol level. I was sad to learn that this good man had succumbed to such a destructive level of weakness. We had many conversations on the topic, but he wouldn't take any of them seriously. I knew the relationship was in trouble when he refused to acknowledge the truth. It was difficult, but I had to make a decision to save my own life from this tragedy and I broke away. I knew in my heart of hearts that a relationship like this would not work!
I knew he had married and started a law practice in Idaho Falls, but I lost touch with his sister and him over the years. Several years later I got a call from his sister. I was not surprised to learn that he had become the youngest judge in the state of Idaho, but when she informed me that alcohol had eventually won the battle, I was devastated. With great sorrow, she explained that his drinking had destroyed his career, his marriage and his life. He was buried at the age of forty-two from a self inflicted wound. I was shocked and saddened to hear of this tremendous loss. He had left behind the shattered lives of his parents, sister, wife and two children.
I have often thought about the parallels between his highly gifted intelligence and his inability to sense the danger of his own self destruction. The final outcome of his life might have been the results of mine, had I not come to the conclusion that a relationship like that would not work for me. I was grateful for the moral strength I had to make a serious decision, for it had spared me this life of pain and sorrow.
Many years later I took a self actualization course. One great lesson I learned from this course was to ask myself the simple question, "How's this working for me?" When I am questioning a direction in life, I find a quiet space to evaluate the circumstances and ask myself that very question. This simple step allows me the ability to weigh the pros and cons, but the pivotal point is being honest enough to listen to the answer. This little formula always allows me the ability to see the high road from the low road and it's really important that my choices produce the results that I deserve.
Asking this one simple question provides an opportunity to fix what is broken, heal what is wounded and protect what cannot be replaced! When lives are bonded together as a family unit, the highest priority is to alway make the right choice, for everyone is affected. I get disappointed when I hear people say, "I just need some time to find myself." They should have found themselves before they got married and pulled others into their snare. Now innocent victims will have to pay a tremendous price for their lack of integrity.
There would be less failure, pain and suffering in the world if people would take a closer look and evaluate their choices in life. Choices either work or they don't and if they are not working, there's a perfect opportunity to change the course of action and responsibly modify the plan.
I learned two extremely valuable lessons from my association with this past experience: When people show you who they are the first time, believe them and if you know better, you owe it to yourself to do better.
This simple formula has allowed me to take responsibility for my life. When I am making decisions or at the crossroads, I stop and ask these simple words, "How's this working for me?" If it provides great joy with stability and good result, then I go for it, but if the choice is not working - I immediately raise my sights and change the direction.
Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. We may not literally have the world in the palm of our hands, but we have the power to make the world in which we live a much better place. By, Linda Sumner Urza, One fine day.
