I was reluctant to write this blog, but I am confident in the love of family and friends who know me well. My daughter said, "Mom, it's refreshing to know that not everyone's perfect." Hahahahahaha, I laughed hard! "This will certainly set the record straight!"
Did you ever have one of those days? A day that was so bad that if you could get your hands on a giant magic eraser, you wouldn't leave a speck of evidence that it ever existed.
Well, welcome to my nightmare. Last Monday was so difficult for me that I should have been arrested for impersonating a human being. My mother would always say,"with great patience comes wisdom,"but on that day I had neither patience nor wisdom.
The day began at 5:00 a.m. by taking my husband to the airport. He left on a flight that morning, but had forgotten his cell phone sitting on a shelf in the closet. Usually life goes on without a hitch, but for some reason this day was different and it spiraled downward from the moment I opened my eyes. Anyone who knows me well, understands that I am always juggling ten thing in the air at one time and occasionally something will come crashing down.
I got dressed around 9:00 a.m. and went into the kitchen. I had two pills in one hand and a set of pearl earrings in the other. I got a glass of water and chugged down the pills. A few minutes later, I started to put my earrings in my ears and realized that the pills where still in my hand. I had swallowed my earrings! Panic stricken, I called my doctor and in a voice barely audible above a whisper I said, "I swallowed my earrings - do you think I'll be okay?'
"You what! You swallowed an earwig?"
Now, this is a man that I revere and I believed up until this point in time, he had thought highly of me. "No, not an earwig, I swallowed my earrings, my pierced earrings! I had them in my hand - I thought they were my pills and I took them with a glass of water." (Well, that statement sounded even less intelligent than the others!)
"How in the WORLD did you swallow your earrings?" He questioned. I tried to make the story short, but it was long and drawn out. I stuttered on every salable and sounded a little like a pre schooler who'd lost their lunch money.
His wisdom and professionalism eventually calmed the tempest and he reassured me that everything would be all right. "Do you want your earrings back?" He inquired. "Yeah... well, they are real pearls with diamond studs, I hate to think they're gone forever." Then he proceeded to tell me what I needed to do if I ever wanted to see those earrings again. "Ah no, I won't be doing that!" I said. "I will just kiss those earrings goodbye!"
It's my nature to stay positive and I was determined to shake it off, until I stepped on a bug trap that was in the hallway. The icky sticky trap stuck to the sole of my shoe like nothing I had ever seen before and worst of all, it had a spider on it. It's very difficult to get a sticky trap off a rubber sole! (I'm convinced that if these large traps were strategically placed, we could apprehend terrorists without lifting a firearm.) It took me twenty-five minutes of blood, sweat, and tears to remove a 3 by 6 inch strip from the bottom of my sandal. Okay, okay - I was able to make it out the door, but I was a little apprehensive about what might be lurking around the corner, and with good reason.
I drove away that morning a little flustered, to say the least. Twenty minutes later my phone rang and it was Christa, my daughter. By this time I was parked outside the post office and we chatted for a while in the car. It wasn't long before she sensed that I was preoccupied and asked what I was doing. I told her I was looking for my cell phone and that I couldn't find it anywhere in my purse. She immediate replied, "Mom, you're talking on it!" (I felt like a character out of Beetlejuice and I began to wonder if I should even be operating a moving vehicle.)
Once inside the post office, I handed the postal worker the box with my husband's cell phone inside. "I would like to mail this second day air please." When the lady began preparing the information on the package, she got a puzzled look on her face. "Do you realize the address for the sender and the receiver are the same, is this an oversight?" "What!" I replied and quickly retrieved the box. She was one smart cooky! If she hadn't noticed this blunder, I would have mailed my husband's cell phone back to myself at the house, just a mile up the street! Trying to look dignified, I quickly made the changes and left the building.
Three months ago I had taken the challenge to eliminate sugar from my diet, which ultimately meant that I hadn't had chocolate for 90 days - WHAT WAS I THINKING! Obviously I was suffering repercussions of enormous proportions and perhaps even slipping into a state of unconsciousness.
I had to think fast, for time was of the essence! I drove to the nearest convenient store and bought myself two Hershey's chocolate bars (the ones with the almonds surrounded by dark chocolate) and I couldn't unwrap the bar fast enough! Chocolate fever, I thought to myself and just how serious was it, I wasn't exactly sure. As I savored the delicious chocolate morsels, the wrapper slid out of my fingers and onto the floor, but I responding immediately to the treatment. I regained my mental acuity and accompanied by a slight chocolate high.
Thank you Hershey's, for creating a simple and satisfying solution. My mother was right, with patience comes wisdom, but when you throw in a little chocolate - life is extra sweeeeeet! By Linda Sumner Urza, One fine day.
